#ThrowBack “Who Wants my MTV?!?!” (Clutterstuff zine #2, 1995)

From time to time I will post one of the short articles I published in the original Clutterstuff zine from 20 years ago. Please remember that this was twenty years ago, and I was 18 years old. No significant edits have been made, including spelling & grammar problems.


 

“Who Wants my MTV?!?!”

Remember back in the days when MTV showed good music? No? Well, do you remember when they at least showed more videos than game shows? OK, that seems to spark a little glint of nostalgia in yr cloudy eyes. Remember the first time you turned on MTV? I do. I saw David Lee Roth’s video for “California Girls.” I laughed like hell, ’cause I was only like 8 or so when we first got cable.

Well, MTV has changed a lot since then. It seems to have forgotten that MTV stands for “music television,” and tries hard to act like a cable network a la USA or TBS. I’d like someone to explain to me what “The Real World” has to do with music, or even with the real world in general.

And the worst part of it all is the fact that the rest of the world tries to use MTV as “A Guide to Generation X.” So, for all you non-“Gen-Xers,” here it is:

MTV’s Guide to Generation X for Non-Gen-Xers

We here at MTV would like to take the time to present a guide to our programming for all non-members of [the] Generation X community, allowing you rare insight into the inner workings of the communal mind of this generational group…

Beavis & Butthead
This cartoon caters to the assinine sense of humor that all Gen-Xers possess, displaying the moronia present in the burnt minds of this generation.

The Real World
Melodrama amongst the various subgroups existing in the Gen-X society. Past demographics have included feminists, AIDS patients, budding musicians, cartoonists, surfers, homosexuals, troublesome minorities, drunken Irishmen, and pointless slacers. Yes, all existent subgroups of Generation X are represented in this series.

Singled Out
Correctly represents the Gen-Xer’s careless approach to dating and emphasis on sex even in this era of the AIDS epidemic.

Dead at 21
Demonstrates the feelings of pointlessness, hopelessness and angst present in most members of Generation X.

Lip Service
Displays the Gen-Xer’s general lack of innovation but practiced ability to recycle and mimic previous hits of other generational groups.

MTV News
Presents news items of interest to the average Gen-Xer, including Snoop Doggy Dogg’s trial, the aftermath of Kurt Cobain’s suicide & subsequent mass suicides among his fans, and Courtney Love’s every move.

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[Clutterstuff Note: We would like to remind you, our faithful readers, that we have, in a selfless display of good taste, printed only brief excerpts of this disgusting “guide.” This guide continues to present such wonderful information as the reasoning behind MTV’s programming saturation by such talentless losers as Green Day and Stone Temple Pilots and the MTV invisibility of true musical artists as Sonic Youth.]

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